My fomo is broken, throws Aaf Brandt Cortius in the Volkskrant. (fear of missing out) A surprising piece in which she describes in detail how quiet it was during this beautiful corona era. An empty agenda, thanks to the cancellation of apparently great appointments such as a rich lunch with friends, a business meeting and a beautiful concert, that would all happen in one week. Suddenly, being gone, they feel like a relief. But now the world is opening up again, the fomo is also rising again ....
Now that we are looking again at what is allowed, a scarcity has arisen. Restaurants, concerts and holiday homes can only be booked for 30%. And that means that the feeling of fomo, gently stirs up. Especially now that that best friend has already booked something, the pace of 'I miss something' is booming.
From fomo to jomo to como
The big question: can you beat that fomo feeling? Can we praise what others do without feeling disappointed? How can we choose without fear of choosing the wrong one? I've been doing that for a long time. I was the type who used to get angry with my girlfriend because she was going to do something with other friends AND I WOULD NOT THAT WEEKEND. Fortunately I got rid of that inner jealous dog.
Some train the non-fomo feeling through jomo. Aka: joy of missing out. I find that a bit ironic. How can you take advantage of the fact that you have a boring day? Therefore, I prefer to work according to: como. Yes, it’s again a bad abreviation, but at least it is consistent with all there is, meaning: choice of missing out. It is far from perfect, but the effect so far is already very fine.
Although the idea of planning your relationship seemed completely ridiculous to me, a gnawing little man said in my mind, "Why not?"
I like it when things come together
I use an annual plan with my girlfriend Evelyn. Combined with the modest stack of money we are trying to earn, we build our plan every quarter. So much to the current house, so much to vacation, so much to our weekly activities, and a lot in the big pot; which now mainly has a destination tiny house or apartment. We also have our own pots, for example for Hintle ;).
I inspired this from Getting Things Done, a way of efficiently working and planning. And although I found the idea of planning your relationship completely ridiculous at first, a gnawing little man preached in my mind, "Why not? There is a plan behind everything except my relationship."
But hey, a relationship must arise organically. - was written: all romcoms ever made in Hollywood ... To HELL with it! And Evelyn thought that the same. Partly because of this systematic thinking, we are now happier than ever. Which indeed feels like a good the-A-team one-liner.
Surprise weekends and parties as a reward
For example, we have arranged that we organise two surprise weekends each year. Evelyn organizes one at the end of the year, I do that at the beginning of the year. In between it is festival time, and then we go to a festival every quarter. This year: Wildeburg and ADE. (Unfortunately, now we save. For a bigger trip, or our house. Just what is allowed first.)
So we choose to go for a weekend four times a year. And then we go ALL out. Do not peck on the money and certainly at the festivals a small narcotic in the bloodstreams. Go with that vitamin c. What I love about this? My memories of every year are super clear. Because, besides fomo, I also suffer from ‘fear of forgetting all’, or in caps: FOFA. - I slurped this prominent concept straight out of my thumb. - In addition, doing an bigger outing every quarter, it feels like a reward for us.
"We usually eat ‘quick’ at a wok restaurant, or our local cuddly turkey"
Enjoy out of home
Beside the quarterly outings, we budget dining out 1 or 2 times a month. That sounds bigger than it is. For us, dining out is as simple as the word: not dining at home or with friends. We usually dine at a quick wok restaurant, our local cuddly turkey (he is soo kind) and if 'the joint' allows, at the sushi band. Talk about how we are doing, what concerns us and especially: to not do the dishes. The food is anything but earth-shattering, but we can eat it often.
That annual planning therefore greatly helps me to choose. Now that everyone is so nice to ask what we are going to do, a simple look at my planning teaches me: nice all those parties of others, but I cannot afford more. In addition, I cannot be all my friends at the same time. Because that would have disastrous consequences for the life I want to lead. Although, I can still use a lot of tips, so while I hope I gave you new insights to overcome fomo, I'm curious about how you improve your sense of choice or missing out.